Secrets

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Enchanted Sentience

WOW WOW WOW!
Amazing things are happening. We packed a rug, then went to the shop and collected bits for a mini-picnic in the forest before our feather hunt began. We bought some lovely fresh rolls, cold meats, cheese, olives and soft drink. The sun was out in full force, but a light breeze stopped us being too hot. What a glorious day, everything looks so alive and vibrant when it is sunny.
My car putt putted up the long windy road to the forest and we chatted along the way. I told my daughter I didn't want a Magpie feather when we went looking because we could find those everywhere and anywhere. I wanted a rosella feather with it's vivid colours or from a Cassowary, something other than a Magpie. I have an aversion to Magpies anyway since being attacked when I was little. She sighed at me and said I might just have to make do with a Magpie feather! We found a lovely spot in the forest near a look out, away from other people. We ate and chatted, then I began getting fidgety and annoying because I wanted to go hunting. My daughter acquiesced and took her last bit of roll with her and off we went.
2 hours and nothing but Sparrow and Magpie feathers! We decided to go home. In a mood I sullenly told my daughter I would rather buy a dyed feather than take any of the ones we had seen. I stomped off towards the car and she followed quietly.
I kept searching hopefully on the way back to the car and suddenly I saw something floating down from the tree tops, we both stopped and gawped up, waiting for it to get closer. Very slowly it came towards us and we still just gawped at it until it was sitting at my feet. It was a Huge brown feather with a pattern on it's edges in a golden brown colour. I picked it up and looked at my daughter, who still hadn't picked her jaw up from the floor. 'Oh my God' was all I said. I can't remember if she said anything, we just grinned at eachother and went home. Our conversation driving home was very repetitive, 'oh my god I can't believe it', 'what kind of bird has feathers that big?', 'oh my God did that really happen like that?', 'we didn't just imagine it did we?'.
My lovely neighbours are into birds big time, so I took the feather to them when we got back. I was promptly told it was from a Wedge Tailed Eagle and even though they have been seen in our area they are not particularly common.
Anyway very excitedly I told my daughter I thought it was a sign from my guide. Halfheartedly she said 'that's good'.
So last night I did my usual meditation and asked my Guide to reveal his name to me. I woke this morning with the usual names running through my head, floating eagle, flying eagle, big eagle, free eagle and then Soaring Eagle. I repeated it and felt waves and waves of enormous warmth and love wash over me. It was so profound that I started sobbing. This wasn't the type of sobbing I had done before when feeling desperate and broken, it was the epitome of joy and love. Something I had never felt before but knew on a Soul level what it was.
An awakening. Everything sparkles today.

Lifting the veil

We are living in a lovely flat! Ten minutes from the beach and shopping centres, our own small backyard and we are surrounded by mountains! It's been so nice being able to sleep properly and feel peaceful.
I joined a psychic development class, I don't know anyone in this town and thought it might be a good way to meet people. Quirky people like me. Actually I think I am the least quirky of the group. Lillian, the woman who runs the class is a stereotypical witchy type, dyed black hair, lots of black eyeliner and long, tight bodiced, purple velvet dresses. I'm not sure what I think of her yet. Most of the others dress in a similar fashion. Then you have me sitting quietly in the corner, in my jeans with my 'less is more' makeup, t-shirt, sneakers, and not smelling of patchouli.
Ten of us meet once a week at a spiritualist church, although the group isn't affiliated with the church at all. We meditate a lot, different styles of meditation though. I thought it was going to be all lotus positions and 'ohming' but we have done noisy, quiet, past life and moving meditations. The noisy one is quite funny and I can't get into it properly because I am concentrating on not laughing. Lillian has been quite snappy with me at those times and told me to sit down.
I am enjoying the class and look forward to it every week. I have been meditating at home a lot too and reading loads of books on psychic/spiritual development. I have been dreaming much more since joining this class. It's actually one dream really, that is repetitive. I see/am an Eagle and I see/feel it take off from the mountain top and just float away from the mountain. It really is lovely and I feel quite peaceful when I wake. I am wondering if it has something to do with my Spirit guide. Apparently we all have Spirit guides, they are heavenly spirits or guardian angels that offer help to us. The form of help may be a simple hunch or a certain feeling that comes over us when we need guidance for a problem or situation. Sometimes the rate of coincidences in our day to day lives may rise, or more vivid dreams to steer us in a certain direction. Some people claim that they can communicate with their guides at all times. Anyway I have a hunch this dream is my guide trying to tell me his name (probably because when I have been meditating I have asked for my Guide's name!!). How I know it is a 'him' is really just a hunch.
Our task from class this week is to get some leather thonging, a feather a stick and a crystal so we can make wands with all the bits. I have no idea what we are going to do with the wands when we have assembled them, cast spells? We shall see, I am going to go to a walking trail in the forest with my daughter and go stick and feather hunting!

I have a confession to make. I love the smell of Patchouli oil.

Open eyes

On pondering the possible reasons for my visitors I decided to open a letter addressed to the previous house tenant. Not allowed I know, but I have been struggling to work out what the hell is going on. I thought perhaps the letter might help, or not, but again anything is worth a try. The letter was a bill from the local ambulance authority. As I started to read the details in the letter I felt a milder version of the quickening and then goosebumps.
The bill was for an emergency in which the previous tenant had been taken to the big psychiatric hospital nearby.
So, was she taken away because of these non-existant visitors or was she messing with things that she didn't understand and let them in? The other thing is people knocking on my door wanting to score. Drugs and occult activities...? It would explain a lot, not that my knowledge of such things amounts to much more than Stephen King novels.
The visitors seem unsettled, they pop in and out very briefly now, they leave on the first two lines of the prayer now.
Other things have been happening though. The light globes in the kitchen keep shattering. I have had the wiring checked and it is fine. The odd thing with the globes is that the bayonet remains in the globe socket and the glass randomly shatters, lights on, lights off. Seems to be no pattern. My hairdryer burst into flames while I was using it, I threw it away from me and it landed on my bed, causing my quilt to catch alight. I managed to put it out without too much damage being done, but this is getting expensive!
The other thing going on is in the spare room. It's a bright airy room with a big window, as you walk in the double wardrobe is on the right wall, facing the bed under the window. I have always had friends stay at weekends, alas this has stopped quite suddenly. My friends have even left in the middle of the night, saying that they can't stay in the room. They have told me they have seen dark hooded figures watching them, a German Shepard dog's head hanging in the corner of the room and a little girl.
My daughter refuses to go anywhere in the house on her own. I am so tired. I think I need to look into moving from here as soon as possible.

It's easier not to believe

The visitors are a regular phenomenon now. I wish they would leave. I have started saying the Lords Prayer when they wake me.
'Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.'
I've never been a believer in God so I'm not sure that it's appropriate to ask for help, but at this point anything and everything is worth a try. I feel terrified at night and tired during the day from lack of sleep.
When they wake me I am always paralyzed and can't even cry out for help, it takes all my effort to fight them...odd; fight them... Why do I feel that I am 'fighting' them? I get a distinct feeling they 'feed' on fear; my fear. It makes me angry that they enjoy scaring me. I feel like I am going crazy, I know they aren't flesh and blood 'people', why are they doing this to me? The first few times I fought mentally to be able to move and speak and screamed at them to get out, they left and I was too scared to get out of bed. I just lay there heart beating as though I had just run for my life.
For whatever reason, the idea to say the Lords prayer popped into my head; so when they arrive I say it a couple of times mentally. They leave !! Just vanish. No smoke or theatrics they are just GONE. When I repeat the prayer my body is awash with a quickening, from head to toe. Warmth trickles through my body and soul. I feel safe but physically my heart still races and my breath is hard and fast. This is lasting for shorter periods of time now and the warmth lingers.
Anyway, my faith in the prayer is escalating daily, the more I believe the more effective it becomes. I am not sure if it is the prayer I am trusting, or the God I never believed in! Something to ponder. .
The dream was a reality, the reality was a dream.

I was fighting with all my physical and mental strength to scream for help, but my voice was gone, I was also finding it extremely difficult to move. I felt as though I was trapped in a spider's web and the more I fought, the more entwined I became. I awoke from a deep sleep, paralyzed. I could just move my eyes enough to see around my bedroom.
Straining to see the end of my bed, my heart beating wildly, a person sitting on my chair grinning inanely. Another standing behind, hands resting on the back of the chair sniggering at me. Panic rising I tried to shout for help again but stopped as I felt something lacerate my back slowly. I forced my eyes over my right shoulder and there stood a man, long dark glossy hair, dark outfit although I am unsure now looking back what any of them wore, I was terrified and just wanted help.
It was becoming difficult to breathe, they were laughing quietly, whispering wretchedly to eachother. Unable to make the words out, my heart pounding loudly drowning their muted taunts.
'Oh God help me, what is this?'
A sudden rush of inexplicable warmth and tingling shook my body, a falling sensation, finally movement. They were gone, my heart still beating wildly. No one in my room but me.
A nightmare, thank God.

Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata"

Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata"